We tend to try to figure everything cognitively when we are feeling some sort of anxiety, stress, or worry. However, we don’t achieve safety cognitively because half the time our thoughts argue with themselves. We need to figure it out in our bodies, because emotions are a bodily experience. Trust yourself to go with the inner wisdom that you have in making your choices.
Rather than worrying and letting your focus be fear-based, shift to the things you do want so then you start living your life that way. When we allow fear-based thinking to continue, it keeps you from being able to push down those fears by figuring it out. Using the dialectic method of shifting, focus on what you want and keep that stance.
If you are struggling with maintaining the boundaries you set for yourself because you don’t want to disappoint other people whose boundaries are different, shift “disappointment in me” to “disappointment they can’t see me”