When our approach is going to others and telling them how they SHOULD be, we will often not get the results we want. We need to start with meeting people where they are, and that could mean modeling for them a different way or sharing information and helping them to see things without saying or doing things that make them feel ashamed. The key is to practice mindfulness of others to use a sense of empathy and put ourselves in others’ shoes in order to keep moving things forward.
DBT involves a skill called “stop” when you use mindfulness to notice when you are in an “emotion mind” – where emotions are dictating your behavior. During this state of mind, when we act on action urges, we tend to make situations worse. We want to have both emotion and reason in our behavior.
A lot of us have different views of what is happening, so it is going to be a process for all of us to accept each other’s actions and boundaries.
When we’re taking the focus off of ourselves and onto another, there are pros and cons. Sometimes it’s really helpful to not get caught up in our stories, however, if it also results in us not being in touch with our own emotions, that’s where we could get in trouble.
When dealing with someone who has a different perspective than you, shift the way you approach that person to engage with them in a way that maybe they could hear you. Just shift it ever-so-slightly to get some movement and to get some understanding.